Wall Street Examiner Forums and Bears Chat: TURD World Theme Park To Open Monday - Wall Street Examiner Forums and Bears Chat

Due to excessive gains in my TURD ETF this week, I bought a plot of land tonight near a lot of alligators in Florida for ten dollars and built several thrill rides. I do want to warn you that if you fly off the tracks on any of my new attractions, you will get eaten. I am all set to open TURD World on Monday, financed by the proceeds I got from unreal gains today in Chit Pole, the place that makes you fart a lot.

I figure numerous clowns will be tossing price targets out there like $300 next week on a lot of TURDS so I won't need to use debt to hire anyone and can operate the rides using cloud computing and robots. I set up remote cameras to see if anyone gets injured and will call ambulances if it looks real bad.

I intend to set up an offshore account so I don't have to pay taxes. I also plan to outsource park attendees to India or the Philippines because it sounds cool and that's what businessmen in America do, right? Bring the kids. Don't be scared.

Let's take a tour. You will like this a lot. It's located in the Everglades. Just drive east until you hit water. Stop. Then drive as far south as you can go until you hit water. If you sink you went to far. I am painting signs for TURD World this weekend.

The first ride I built in honor of our Theme Parks Sponsor, Chit Pole. It went up so much today I had banks calling me to give me free money. The ride is called The Llama Neck Snapper.




This one will rip your head off. If you have a long neck like above, it will be broken off by the time you get to the bottom of this hill. It is not possible for an animal like this to withstand the G force of the first hill. People might survive though. I am not totally sure. If you have a long neck, wear a brace. You should give it a try.

I put snow in the marshes to scare you a lot. It hides the alligators who will eat you when you fly out of your seat. I am not sure this stops all the time so you can test it for me on Monday. If you do survive, I will give you a ticket for another ride. If you don't, make sure to tell your friends about it.



The next one is the Netflix Nut Buster. On the way down, do not flinch. Just try to stay on the tracks. I tested it it once. Well, I didn't but the guy in the picture did. It might be fun for the whole family though. I'm not sure. That guy on the rails is someone I met at the 7-11. He is in intensive care but don't worry, you will be safe. When he comes out of his coma I will let you know what he thinks.




Then we have the EyeBM In My Pants coaster. Check out the first hill on this one. You better buy some Depends. Notice the perfect up slope without any little hills on the way up? I designed that special for you. Be careful if it is windy because this will tip over. Don't be scared though. I ran out of Crazy Glue yesterday and will work on it some more. I used Popsicle sticks for this one. That slope looks so natural. I like this one a lot.




This one is my favorite. The Amazon Sinister Scam. It looks like the crappiest ride of them all but I twisted the track a lot to add confusion and disorientation. The ride never ends until you lose your lunch. You are not allowed to get off unless you hurl. I tell the carny robot to stop the ride because no one can figure out why it keeps going on. The ride makes no sense whatsoever and looks like shit but never stops. Look at that thing. It even goes upside down and has a laughing Bezos recording in each car. Best thing to do if you are a not thrill seeker is to go on something gentle like the Intel Merry Go Round or the Microsoft Tea Cup ride. This one will destroy your mind. Doesn't look like much but it will turn your brain into oatmeal.




The next ride is the BIDU Bye Dude Coaster. I call it the Bye Dude because once you go down this hill we won't be talking to you anymore. It is safe though and you can test it for me some more. The original test rider was from China and he left a note at the bottom of the hill. I couldn't read it because it was in Chinese and found out later it said "help me." We couldn't find him either. I have no clue what happened to him but I will keep an eye on you guys for sure.




As you exit the park the last ride is the best. The Apple Dipper. This one takes you on a ride up a $300 dollar tower and drops you at the speed of light until you crash down to the ground. We have breaks I think. Those are blow up dolls in the picture and they all exploded on the way down. That shouldn't deter you from riding though because it looked really cool.




By this time you will want to go on all the rides again if you have a neck, balls, are alive, and the G forces didn't squeeze you into a flattened cartoon character.

So come to the grand opening on Monday at TURD World. Entry is free because I haven't ridden any of this stuff yet. I won't go on the rides either because I want you to first. If you end up like the guy below, too bad. If you are a thrill seeker, this is the place for you. See if you can make it out in one piece.